Collaborative divorces are not magic carpets that carry couples painlessly
through their family transitions. They can
actually be harder to endure than traditional divorces or mediation, because
they challenge each person to operate from a much more mature level of
functioning. As a result of going
through this challenging process, the benefits can be immense and long lasting
as parents and children benefit from better communication and hopefully far
less acrimony, conflict, and hostility.
Members of the divorcing couple often begin implementing the tools the Coaches
have taught them and modeled for them, by talking through their difficulties,
solving problems, making joint decisions, and compromising instead of acting
out in some way.
Couples can actually learn healthier ways to communicate with one another, co-parent, and get through difficult situations. Peggy Thomson, PhD and attorney Pauline Tesler, co-authors of Collaborative Divorce, note that “about one in ten of our couples decide to get back together because they’ve learned some basic problem-solving and communication skills.” Whether you reconcile or not, these tools, once learned, are beneficial going forward, far beyond when the children turn 18.